


2018 Bombarded Bardvent Challenge

by ZZDigital



Category: BomBARDed (Podcast)
Genre: Christmas, F/F, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-09-12 21:55:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16879941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZZDigital/pseuds/ZZDigital
Summary: As part of holiday celebrations for 2018, the Bombarded discord server has put together an advent calendar challenge. Each day has a theme for fan works (either drawn or written) to follow. So, each chapter is a self contained, short story written as the calendar advances!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Day 3 theme: Tradition

“Yashee, can you quit hammering on my chair, that's an antique”

“I'm sorry, Randy.” Yashee kept fidgeting with a pair of spoons in her hand, clinking them together. “I'm just so excited.”

“What are you excited for?” Raz'ul the dwarf got real curious, “March of the Toys was yesterday - Wait, Randy? You have an antique chair?” 

“Well, I got it from an old person,” Randy said sheepishly.

“I'm getting a package from home! It'll be here any minute.” Yashee gave a giant grin. Sure enough, the pneumatic tube in their room let out a shroomp sound and a brown paper tube landed on a desk.

“It's here!” Yashee ran over and quickly tore open the packaging.

“What have you got there?” Randy tried to go around her to get a better look.

“My teeth!” Yashee exclaimed and turned to show a string of teeth, over ten feet long, wrapped around her arms.

“Woah,” Raz'ul was taken slightly aback at this.

“Are those all your teeth?” Randy asked.

“Well,” Yashee drew it out as she thought how to explain. “They aren't all my teeth, but they belong to me.”

“Oh! I didn't know you collected that kind of stuff.” Randy began to think, “you know, I think I know a couple of people who could make a donation to your collection.”

“No, silly.” Yashee gave a smile at him. “They came from my family. When an orc loses their baby tusks they add them to the family string. Look, here's mine at the end!” She held up one end with two teeth proudly hanging.

“Your tusks are kind of small compared to the rest.” Raz'ul pointed out.

“Yeah, I think it's because I'm only half orc. But look!” She brought the teeth close to her friends, “We also write important things on them. On the first one you write your name and the year you lost them, and on the second you write the most important thing about yourself. This way it's always a part of you!”

“Yashee, they spelled your name wrong.” Randy had his fingers over her name. “They missed a letter and put a bunch of other stuff at the end.”

“That's my full name: Yashe'rak Bordun. And here's the year!” Yashee helpfully pointed out each segment to her near illiterate friend.

“Ok, cool. Cool. But the other tooth is blank,” Raz'ul said.

“That's because I haven't written what's important yet. I had to wait to find out.” 

“Oh, so how long do you think it'll take?”

“Just now!” Yashee grabbed a large feathered pen, and engraved on the blank tusk “Member of Chaos Sauce”

“Wow, that's great. That's really great, Yashee.” Raz'ul had a tear in his eye.

“Awww, I love you guys!” Yashee stooped down and gave them a hug.

“Wait, what did it say? I couldn't read.” Randy squirmed a little at the close contact.

********************************************************

Yashee gently draped the teeth around a tree that Raz'ul had brought into the dorm. “You know? I think it really adds character.”

“Yeah. But I think it's missing one little thing.” Raz'ul pulled up his guitar to play (to the tune of Silver Bells):

_Yashee's teeth, Yashee's teeth  
It's her family tradition  
Family, see them sheem  
As they glisten on the tree ___

__As he wove the spell the teeth began to faintly glimmer and glow, casting a faint, shifting light across the room._ _

__“It's beautiful.” Yashee began to cry, and Chaos Sauce embraced._ _


	2. Snand!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day Four theme: far from home. how does a sand manatee feel about their new home and family during winter?

Today is a new day. A new day has new things. This is a fun thing! It is white sand blowing around. It isn't rough, like sand, but it hurts in a different way. There's not enough sun here; the sun would help with the pain. I like the sun, but I need to dig in the sand otherwise it hurts, too.

What is this place? That the sun doesn't shine right. But I like it, my new family is here. I love them. Though my new brother smells. My other brother made stuff to make it smell nice. It doesn't work. But he tried! I love him!

I tried going through this stuff, it clings to me and hurts after a while. But it's so fun to play in! It's like being home again, almost. It needs a name. It's like sand so… SNAND! It's snand! I love snand!

I wonder what my old family would think of snand? I bet they'd like it. I miss them. I wonder if my new family will migrate back sometime? Like the worms home would go away for a while, then they'd come back. They're very tasty. I love them! The worms here are not tasty, and it's hard to dig to them.  
Wait, maybe there are snand worms! I will look for them! I love this place, sometimes it's better than the desert, sometimes it's worse. But I have my family, so I'm always happy!


	3. The Trees We Planted Were Only Seeds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day Five theme: Gift Shopping.
> 
> Randy needs to gifts for his band mates, and he knows just how to get them...

Mr. Wonderman stared at the halfling just barely peeking over his workbench. “Is there something I can help you with?” He asked.

Randy kept his eyes straight on the block of wood Wonderman held, carving with a large pocket knife. “I need a gift for my friends.” He said, “Do you have something I could give to them and say it was from me?”

“My dear Randal-”

“It's Randy.”

“My dear Randy,” Wonderman put down the block. “I love you guys, so I'd love to help, but I don't think you'd like to steal credit like that. Why don't we make something together? I can show you how to carve something in a jiffy!”

“Wow, you really are a wonder, man.”

********************************************************

Wonderman sat on a step and held out a block of wood and knife for Randy. Randy sat next to him on a box, boosting his height to see the techniques. “Let's start with something simple - do you think your friends would like a carved duck?”

“I think it's safe to say they'll like what they're getting.”

Wonderman started off by showing Randy the safe way to hold a knife for carving. Randy took to it well, but kept digging too far into the wood. After twenty minutes Wonderman had a duck shape and started on another block. “I'll save the detailing on that for when you're ready.”

Randy, meanwhile, had half of a duck shape, if the duck was a poorly made polygon form. Randy forced his way through a knot in the head and his hand zipped across to the beak and broke it off. Now the face had splinters poking out the front, ruining what little image it had.

“Maybe you should take a break. The frustration is only going to increase if you don't stop for a while.” Mr. Wonderman got up, “How would you like some lemonade? I have fresh pitcher in the kitchen.”

“Uh, ah, you know what, Mr. Wonderman?” Randy jumped up. “I had a lot of water before coming here. Like a ton, I don't think I could drink another drop.” 

“Well, if you're sure. You should still take a break.” 

“Nah, I think I'll watch you for a while. It's mesmerizing.”

“Well, alright.” Wonderman sat back down and began to show and explain proper carving techniques to Randy again.

******************************************************

Back outside Strumlotts, Randy met up with the rest of the Chaos Sauce trio. “Hey gang!” He said running up to them.

“Hey, Randy!” Raz'ul waved with his left hand, in his other he was dragging a small, uprooted tree.

“Hey buddies!’ Randy sized up the tree. “That's a pretty good tree. I've seen lots of trees before, but that's a good one.”

“Yeah, you know, this kind of tree was really popular a few decades ago; people would plant them after their weddings as a sign of growing love.” Raz’ul knew Randy was trying to pass himself off as cooler than he was, but he didn't mind. It gave him an opportunity to talk about plants sometimes. “Thanks again for telling us about Mr. Wonderman's invitation.”

“Yeah, are you sure he isn't going to miss this stuff?” Yashee was carrying a sack that clinked as she walked.

“Nah, it's fine. They're gifts! from both of us!” Randy smiled. There hadn't been an invitation, but Mr. Wonderman was such a kind and caring soul Randy knew he really wouldn't mind.

“Alright then, Randy, you mind helping me carry this back to the dorm?” Raz’ul offered a section of tree to carry.

“No thanks, I've got one more place to be really quick.” Randy shifted a little anxiously. “I'll be right up, I promise.”

“Ok, you can help me organize my new spoons!” Yashee smiled at him, and the two walked into the building.

Randy went around the building to the stables. It was mostly filled with horses, but some people collect   
different animals like Yashee collects spoons. Around the middle he found the stall he was looking for, inside was a sleeping sandatee wrapped in a starry blanket and a ghoulish fishman.

“Hey, pal.” Randy slumped next to where the fish man sat. “I made this for you- well, I made this, and it made me think of you, I guess. But I want you to have it.” Randy pulled his misshapenly carved duck out and put it in the fish man's palm. “I guess it kind of reminded me of the mess I can make. I'm sorry about you. But maybe someday…” he pulled out Wonderman's wooden duck, which had been detailed and sanded to a fine finish, a masterpiece of simple carving. “I guess, I hope that actually both of us get better. I want to get better. I want to be like him…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The most angst filled work I've ever written :P


	4. Ex-tree Home Makeover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day six: ornaments
> 
> Even plants need caring for!

“Hey guys! Check it out! I'm the angel on the tree!” Randy wrapped his legs around the pinetree tip and spread his arms out far.

“Hey, now.” Raz'ul walked up to the base of the tree and looked up. “you better watch this!” He clenched up for a moment and **_"and I'm a squirrel now.”_** He ran up the tree and onto Randy's head.

“Wow, good job!” Randy said, “You actually got the animal you wanted!” 

**_“Actually, I was trying for a partridge.”_ **

“Oh, well you still did good.”

Yashee walked out of the closet carrying a large box. “Hey, guys, I don't like this. Be careful up there!” And as if to prove her point, the tree began to bend and collapse. “I got you!” She yelled, throwing the box to the side and dove for the falling bandmates.

Raz’ul managed to leap off of Randy's head as they fell. **_“Actually, I'm a flying squirrel.”_** he spread his limbs and aimed his glide at the couch. He landed roughly, crashing into a throw pillow the size of Randy.

Randy held tightly into the tree, when Yashee's powerful arms grabbed him she also stopped the tree from collapsing all the way. “That was a close one.” He said as Yashee pried him off and set the tree upright.

“Yeah, that was scary.” Yashee set him down gently. “I hope we didn't hurt the tree”

“Don't worry I'll check” Raz'ul skittered over to the tree. Once there he resumed his dwarf form and immediately began to play his guitar, Usumptin.

(To the tune of Everytime we Touch)  
 _"Everytime we touch I get this hearing!  
And everytime I speak I swear you reply!"_

The tree branches began to move, as though a tension had suddenly been released in them. Raz'ul asked a couple questions and responded to answers only he could hear. After a couple minutes he walked up to his bandmates.

“Well, Ali there has some damaged branches. It's nothing I can't mend, but they're pretty torn up emotionally.”

“Ah, geeze,” Randy stuck their hands in their pockets “is there anything we can do.”

“You know, I'm wondering that myself.” Raz'ul sat down on the couch, getting pensive. 

“Well, you guys can help me go through this stuff.” Yashee set the box from earlier down in the middle of the room. “I'm trying to find something, but maybe I left it with my dad.”

“I'll help.” Randy pulled himself up the box and rested his chest on the edge. “Oh, this box!” He tipped forward and slid in.

“Randy, were you going through my stuff?”

“Only because I lost Joby. I looked everywhere for him.” Randy pulled up a pair of bedazzled earrings. “These are nice.” He held them up to his ears, “How do I look?”

“It's ok, I guess.” Yashee leaned around to get different angles. “You really need a green complexion like mine to pull them off, though.”

“That's it!” Raz'ul jumped up from the couch. “Randy, hand me those earrings!”

“Alright! Are you going to use your glamor to make me green?” Randy asked excitedly.

“Nooooo,” Raz'ul took the earrings and walked up to the tree. “Well, we'll save that thought for later. But check this out!” There hung the earrings on the tree.

“Aw, that's cute.” Yashee cooned. “Here, try these ones too!” She threw a few more pieces of jewelry to Raz'ul.

“Right on!” Raz'ul said as he placed them on the branches. 

“Oh man, is this like the fruit?” Randy asked.

“Sorta.” Raz'ul nodded “we'll pretty up the tree and hopefully make it feel better!”

“Wait, what? What fruit?” Yashee looked at them.

“Raz'ul puts fruit in trees.” Randy explained.

“What? Like a fairy? I thought fruit just grew there.” 

“No,” Raz'ul sighed, “well, fruit does just grow on a fruit tree. But I also take sliced fruit and put them in the tree. For the spirits and stuff.”

“Ooooh,” Yashee's eyes lit up. “That explains why this one hasn't grown any more.”

“Yashee, this isn't a fruit bearing tree.”

“Yeah, I get that now.”

“Yashee, did you eat the fruit?”

“:C”

*****************************************************

 

“You know, I think it looks pretty nice. Picturesque, even.” Randy said. Chaos Sauce were admiring their newly decorated tree. Over a half hour of searching through their dormitory for anything they could put on the branches. Books, strings, Joby, jewelery, and assorted foods all hung precariously. 

“Yeah, how you feeling, Ali?” Raz'ul asked the tree. The tree rustled slightly, and Raz'ul got a big grin. “She likes it!”

“That's great. I want to show everyone!” Yashee said. “Let's go find Splash, and Mitch, and Tabitha.”

“Alright, I'm going to go find Zil!” Randy dashed out the door. 

“Bring Sandy with you when you come back!” Yashee called after him.

“I think I know where to find Splash, you can find Tabitha.” Raz’ul high fived Yashee and they split up.

*****************************************************

All together, Chaos Sauce, their teacher, friends, and pets gathered around the tree. Raz'ul had prepared a special tea with cocoa beans for everyone. It was cold and dark outside, but a warmth inside kept everyone in high spirits.

“You know, you kids are pretty creative at times. Good job.” Symbol held up his mug. “I guess that's part of why you make such good bards.”

“Aw, thanks, Splash.” Raz’ul smiled until Sandy the sandatee jumped on his lap. “Ohf, ok. Uh, Yashee? I think Sandy needs out or something.”

“Oh she's just looking for her blanket.” Yashee was peting a relaxed Tabitha's hair. “I put it on top of the tree.”

“Oh, you hear that, Sandy? It's up there.” Raz'ul pointed in a way that made sure Sandy would follow the finger.

Spotting the blanket she began to bark excitedly and flopped forward as fast as she could at the tree. Time for the blanky!

“Sandy! Sandy, no!” Practically everyone cried out.

_CRASH ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized none of my stories contradict each other so far, it might be fun to see how much I can do within that framework. So, until further notice, the tree here is the same one Raz'ul dug up from the Wondermans home and that was decorated with Yashee's teeth!
> 
> (The teeth, by the way, were what she was looking for at the start.)


	5. Polishing plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day seven: mistletoe kiss
> 
> How hard could painting nails be?

“But what if the power of the hundreds of tiny wizards can overpower Eddie?”

“Randy, there are no wizards in the sparkling nail polish. Besides, even if there were, some of them might take Eddie's side or something.” 

Raz'ul took the nail polish away from Randy. Randy had lately been interested in cosmetics and had asked to borrow from Raz'ul's supply. Sadly though, Raz'ul had noted, Randy was far more likely to eat the make up than actually apply it. So, Raz'ul had committed to applying it himself.

“Ok, now I need your thumb. You're left handed, right?” 

“Right,” Randy waggled his hand in Raz'ul's face. “Eddie says I'm more sinister that way.”

“I'm just going to let that one go.” Raz'ul reached inside his coat and pulled out a tiny bottle of polish. “This is Arkenstone White. It's tradition to go on the thumb of your main hand.”

Raz'ul began to apply the polish exactingly. 

“Wow. I didn't know painting nails could be so slow.” 

“This is a very important detail. You can't just apply arken-” Raz'ul stopped. Randy was eating the glitter coat they used on his other fingers again. “Randy, put that down!”

“What? Oh sorry!” Randy was surprised by the brush in his mouth. “I guess that just sort of happened. I didn't mean to.”

“Well, that's the cheap stuff, so it's ok. But we're going to have to work something out here.” Raz'ul pondered for a minute.

*****************************************************

“Dip sticks at the ready?” Raz'ul asked. 

“Dip stick already engaged!” Randy said through a mouth full of flavored sugar. Raz'ul had gone to town and bought a supply of candy dip sticks to, hopefully, keep Randy's oral fixation engaged while he worked.

“Alright, let's get to work.” Raz'ul opened his bottles of nail polish. The rapidly dwindling supply was one of the only bad things about his friends, on the other hand, he got to apply it to them which helped him relax.

Things were going well. Randy was sucking down his third bag of sugar, but Raz'ul had anticipated the halfling's pace and had a dozen at the ready. Yes, the left hand was almost complete, he just needed the Arkenstone White which… where was it?

“Randy, buddy? Did you take the small bottle?” Raz'ul looked about worriedly.

“No,” Randy said with the candy dipstick still in his mouth. “But Yashee showed up about five minutes ago. I think she took a look at it.”

“Ok, hold that thought, I need to find her.” Raz'ul whirled around “Yashee! I need- oh, there you are.”

Yashee was not even ten feet away. She was sitting on a couch examining a spoon and absent mindedly eating… _the polish._ She turned to look at him, “Oh, hey, check out this spoon! I found it in my cereal this morning.”

Raz'ul walked up to her. She brightly held up the spoon for him to see, her smile was much brighter than normal thanks to the polish. “Ok, Yashee, the novelty spoon is cool, but I don't know who that's supposed to be on the handle. Second of all, you're eating my nail polish. That one is very important to me.”

“Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking, I just wanted to take a look at it.” Yashee handed it back.

“It's ok. There's a serious case of that going around. I just need a plan next time is all.

 

*****************************************************

“Candy at the ready?”

“Ready and awaiting your command!” Randy saluted. 

“Good, now give me that hand back. I need it. Tabitha, you good to go?”

“I'm ready!” Tabitha applied some chapstick and leaned on the door frame. Raz'ul had gone to town and resupplied on candy for Randy, but for Yashee he had gone to the woods and gained a supply of mistletoe.

The ceiling of their dorm was littered with the stuff, along with a strategic rearrangement of the furniture meant that anyone coming in would have a long walk. Specifically, Yashee would have a long walk with Tabitha under a bunch of mistletoe.

“The perfect plan,” Raz'ul smiled to himself.


	6. Personal Taste

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> day 8: Milk and Cookies
> 
> Randy and Yashee show off some their culinary skills.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Falling behind, I'm attempting a come back

“Hey, you guys want some cookies?” Randy kicked open the door to dorm. The bottom half of the door swung open and he walked in carrying a tray loaded with dark brown treats. “I was bored and snuck into the kitchen.”

“Oh, dude! Give me some!” Yashee jumped up from the couch and hurtled over it. She landed right in front of Randy, who skittered back at the thump.

“Yes! best day ever.” Yashee rubbed her hands as the halfling raised the tray as high as he could for her. She pried three off the tray and stuffed them into her mouth. “MMMPH!” She started fanning her mouth as hot steam came out.

“Yeah, they literally just came out of the oven. Surprise!” The tray floated into the air and Randy waved his bare hands. “I was using mage hand to hold the tray!”

“That was mean.” Yashee pouted. 

“Yeah, it was Eddie's idea. You doing alright?”

“Well, my mouth is all kind of burnt up. It really hurts.”

“Sorry. Hey, I bet some milk would make you feel better.” Randy reached inside his vest.

“Randy, I told you I am never trying bagged milk. That's all kinds of wrong.” Randy took his empty hand out of his vest disappointedly. 

“so, are you going to the kitchen to get some then. Because I really got to tell you, this stuff is really fresh.”

“I know a place that's fresher.” Yashee winked at him.

********************************************

Yashee and Randy crept through the stables, Randy carried with him a bowl borrowed from Raz'ul. 

“It's over here.” Yashee pointed at a large barn door. “The sign says Sax's stall.”

Randy didn't mind the smell of the stables so much, he hung around a slightly decaying fish all the time. But as the door opened he was embraced by an extremely powerful, if not entirely offensive odor. 

“Yashee, what is that?” Randy asked.

“This is Sax.” Yashee walked up and clasped a giant, hairy cows head. “I told Tabitha about how I remember playing with yaks when I was really young. She told Ila, Ila told Gareth, then Gareth special ordered one. I think he wanted to taunt me, but Tabitha says he can't stand the smell to show him off.” She shrugged and crouched down, “Hand me that bucket, please.”

“It's Raz'ul's potpourri dish, but whatever.” Randy passed it over.

“Mmmm, flavored milk.” Yashee set it under Sax and began milking. Randy gagged and walked out, unnoticed by Yashee. A minute later she came out with the dish full of milk, she had a thick milk-mustache. “Here, try it.” She offered him the bowl.

“No thanks,” Randy shyed away, “I'm yaktose intolerant.”


	7. Fish Lights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 9: lights
> 
> What does go through a zombie's head?

Zil struggled with a bundle of lights, his one arm was insufficient to handle the tangle and he had to employ his feet as well. Twice already he had got himself tangled up in the wiring and had to be rescued by his master, Randy. He kept at it though.

“How long has he been doing that?” Raz'ul asked Randy. They were leaning on a balcony looking down at Zil in the yard. 

“I gave him the bundles a couple hours ago.” Randy explained, “I told him to do something interesting with them.”

“does a zombie have creativity?” Raz'ul asked. 

“Well, he seems to have something in mind. I want to know what.”

They watched as Zil straightened the third bundle and laid it out. Zil took the wire and started putting curves in the line, forming irregular shapes. Zil backed up and looked at it, he adjusted a couple spots and then ran inside.

“Woah, where's he going?” Raz'ul asked.

“I don't know,” Randy was confused. “Maybe he's trying to find us?”

“Does he know his way through Strumlotts?”

“I don't think so. We probably should find him.”

The two of them split up and searched sections they knew Zil was familiar with. After a half hour they met up. 

“I haven't been able to find him anywhere,” Raz'ul said.

“Yeah, me neither,” Randy said. “Maybe he got lost and ended up somewhere else?”

Just then Randy's Ira glass went off. He answered curiously, “hello? Zil? Is that you?”

“What? No! Randy, this is Symbol!” The angry voice of their teacher came through. “Your zombie just came in here and stole Mitch's wallet and ran! Why did you tell him to do that?”

“Look, Splash, buddy, I didn't tell him to do anything but mess with some lights. I don't know why he took a wallet. Did you see which way he went?” 

“He jumped out a window and ran outside somewhere,” Symbol said. “Look, if you can't take care of your pets then you shouldn't keep them.”

“Don't worry, Splash, we're going to take care of it. We're looking for him now.”

“Good. Take care that this nonsense stops immediately.”

“Ok, bye Splash. Love you.”

“I love you too, but your testing-” Randy hung up.

“Ok, dude, we've got to find him. He's outside somewhere, so that's something.” 

Randy and Raz'ul split up again, going around the Strumlotts grounds. They searched for two hours before going back inside.

“Maybe he's gone back to his family?” Raz'ul suggested.

“I don't think so.” Randy thought “maybe there's an evil wizard who took control of him.”

“Maybe.” The rest of the day was spent on their usual school activities and wondering where Zil was. A question that haunted Randy's dreams that night and through breakfast the next morning.

Randy was eating porridge that morning when Yashee and Tabitha came up to his table. “Hey, Randy,” Yashee said as they took seats next to him, “what's Zil up to?” 

“I don't know,” Randy absentmindedly twirled his spoon. “He stole Mitch's wallet and ran off last 

night. Now he's enjoying a life of freedom, I guess.”

“Really?” Tabitha said. “We saw him outside earlier.”

“Yeah, we were going to throw water balloons at people from a balcony.” Yashee said, “we threw a couple at him, but he didn't really react. i think he likes getting wet. He is a fish”

“Really!?” Randy jumped up from his chair, which made him lower since he wants a halfling. And ran off to the balcony.

From the balcony he saw it: Zil had come back with more lights. A lot more lights. He was there laying the strings out in more shapes. After the last bundle was laid Zil switched them on and they began to shine.

“Zil!” Randy shouted from the balcony, “it's beautiful! Wait right there!” And he ran back inside.

Randy returned with Raz'ul in tow. “Look! I think he wrote something! What's it say, Raz'ul?”

“One second.” Raz'ul studied the lights for a minute trying to grasp the intended shapes. _“ph'nglui mglw'nafh Randy R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.”_ He said slowly, shaping out the sounds as he went. 

“What the heck does that mean?” Randy asked.

“I think it's in the fish language,” Raz'ul said. “One second, I gotta try a spell: comprehend languages.” 

Raz'ul unslung his guitar and played a short melody. “Ok, it says ‘Thank you, Randy. I love you.’”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ending was a bit rushed on my end. I couldn't even think of a song for comprehend languages


	8. Tastey fights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 10: Loco for cocoa.
> 
> A great cocoa festival and competition;

Barry dipped a wooden mug into the dark mixture and sampled it. Delicious, dark, and perfect, just as he expected. His own blend was ready; he extinguished the fire under the clay pot and capped it.

“Are you all ready?”

Barry turned, there was his husband, Bernard. He smiled at her “All ready. This year I'm going to bury the competition.”

“The waiting is unbearable.” He embraced Barry and Barry's own anxieties were melted away. 

“I know. But the judging is soon. We're going to win the cocoa fair this year. It'll be our best anniversary yet.”

“Each festival with you is the best anniversary yet, my dear bear.”

Every year when the cocoa plants were ripe everyone in the area came together for a festival. Crafts, stories, and even love were made and exchanged here. But the hot cocoa competition was what everyone got excited for.

In previous years, Barry had entered, but lost. Every time though, he would learn as much as he could about the other brews and the judges’ tastes.

“I'll help you carry it out the to judging rink,” Bernard said.

“Thanks. Let's get going before I collapse into a puddle.” 

“Least I could do, since I'm a disaster in the kitchen.’

They hefted the large pot and carried it out to the clearing. The tall grass here had been cut down to provide space under the open sun. Arranged around in a circle were stands made from wood. Barry and Bernard found the stand reserved for them and placed the pot on top. All around them others were milling about or coming in, the judges were gathered and having a private conversation.

Two stalls down Barry spotted Ursula, winner of the previous two festivals. He walked over to her.

“Good luck,” He said.

“Luck has nothing to do with it, hun.” She glowered at him. “My recipe is perfection. Now get away from my spot. I don't want you touching my cocoa.”

Barry went back to his stand, no sense bothering with that. Just got to make sure his own cocoa eat still hot and no one tampers with it.

The judging began soon after. The judges went around the clearing taking samples of each cocoa. Many they passed after sampling, some they would stop and talk amongst themselves. 

“They didn't stop at Ursula's long,” Bernard said.

“They already know she's got the good stuff, not much to talk about,” Barry said gruffly. The judges were just leaving the next stall and coming over, he started to get anxious.

“Greetings, Beartholomew,” the lead judge, Raz said when they gathered. “We've been anxious to try your brew this year.”

“I've been anxious to share it,” Barry said and lifted the lid off.

They judges swirled their wooden mugs into the cocoa and took a drink. They closed their circle and moved back from Barry to discuss things privately. 

“Thank you, we'll let you know at the end,” Raz said, and the judges went to the rest of the booths.

A weight in Barry's gut suddenly lifted. “I think they liked it this year.”

“Of course they did, you made it.” Bernard patted him. “But yeah, I think you have a real chance.”

Fifteen minutes later the judges had finished their rounds, even sampling Barry, Ursula, and a couple other brews. Now they were in conference, voting on the absolute best, the weight returned to Barry.

“It is with great deliberation we have chosen this year's winner!” Raz shouted to the crowd. The clearing immediately fell silent.

“In third place, we have Madam Arctic!” The crowd cheered, Barry could see her across the clearing blushing.

“In second place,” Raz drew it out, “Ursula!” The crowd burst into applause, but Ursula merely stomped her feet in anger.

Barry felt someone grab his shoulders, he jumped a little turning to see Bernard behind him. “Holy smokes! I think you may just win this one!”

Once the clapping had stopped, Raz spoke up again. “And now, dears, the best cocoa of the year, and our new front liner. The point man. The captain who leads the charge to defend our home and warms our hearts!”

A pause of tension.

“Beartholomew!”

The clearing absolutely erupted with cheering. Barry soon found himself swarmed by congratulaters and people wanting to sample the cocoa. Time blurred by as one face melted into the next, and soon Barry found himself alone with Bernard and an empty pot.

“We won.” Barry said in disbelief.

“You won.” Bernard hugged him. “I can't believe it, point man on defense.” He saluted “It'll be an honor to defend home behind you.”

“Best anniversary ever?”

“Definitely. And there's nothing that could ruin it. Now let's go see how the rest of the cocoa is.” 

Together they walked off, trying as much as they could. Even the losers tasted pretty good, though crowds always just want the winners. Then they wandered over to a crafts section. People were carving mugs out of wood. They sat down with a large chunk of wood and together carved a mug with two handles. 

“One second,” Bernard took the mug and engraved on it _Cocoa Champion Barry._

“Give me that!” Barry swiped the mug and wrote _And Bernard_ underneath. 

They locked eyes with each other and smiled, when suddenly there was a shout.

“Intruders! Coming from the north side of the bushes!”

Everyone stood up. “You're first point manning. I know you'll make us proud.” Bernard said to him. 

“Let's go.” Everyone ran, most went to the armory, while caretakers took their wards to shelter.

Barry grabbed a spear and found a watchman. “What's it look like?” He asked.

“Oh, you're the new front man? Congratulations!” The spotter said. “Looks like two, no, three beings coming up. They've got a bunch of animals with them.”

“Three from the North? Just like last time?” Barry asked to confirm.

“Yeah! Except now you get to lead! Go get them!” The spotter patted him on the back.

Barry nodded and went to the front of the defender crowd, everyone was armed and ready. Bernard was in the front row, which set his heart at ease. Nothing could ruin their anniversary.

“Alright! We've got three people and some animals to scare off! They don't stand a chance against us!”

There was a huzzah from the crowd.

Barry turned towards the Intruders and raised his spear, “Ready! Bear-berries, **CHARGE!"**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now go back and reread that in the Kyle Approved Voices ™


End file.
